1930《阿Q正傳》世界語譯本封面 |
1930《阿Q正傳》世界語譯本內頁 |
德萊塞(1871-1945)美國自然主義小說家,作品細膩刻畫現代化的美國社會,尤以工筆狀物見長,其物與筆下人物互為表裡,從中帶出消費主義、性別差異、權利與階級運作等議題。在世雖然聲名不傳,如今卻公認為二戰前最重要的美國小說家,生平共出版8部長篇小說,鍾憲民翻譯了3部,按照譯作出版時間分別是《人間悲劇》(An American Tragedy)、《嘉麗妹妹》(Sister Carrie)和《天才夢》(The Genius)。
鍾譯《人間悲劇》1944年由上海國際文化社出版,編入「古典文學名著選譯」書系,正文前有〈譯序〉,簡介作者及創作背景,並解釋書名譯為《人間悲劇》是為了「醒豁、簡潔,別無他意。同時也因為故事本身也是一般人間的現實,雖然外形更接近美國社會。」此外,鍾氏亦於〈譯序〉交代其翻譯策略:「這譯本是節譯,但不是意譯,而是把對故事發展較少關聯的幾章以及較長的段落略去不譯,而儘量保持必要的章節以及那些細膩入微的心理描寫。」1952年台北新興出版時書名改成直譯「一個亞美利加的悲劇」,譯者改署「顧隱」,原本長達四頁的〈譯序〉變成一頁〈前言〉,內容省略鍾氏交代原著創作背景和翻譯策略的段落,此外文中提及「原作於一九五二年攝成電影。名為『郎心如鐵』,曾在本市——台北——放映」,由此推知,鍾氏當時人應該在台灣。1954年的新興版大同小異,只有書名改採電影譯法,名為「郎心如鐵」。1957年鍾氏下落成謎,而後台灣陸續出版5種盜印鍾譯的版本,書名有的沿用「人間悲劇」或「郎心如鐵」,有的則改為「郎心如狼」或「郎心狼心」,譯者署名千奇百怪,至於鍾譯原序則完全刪去,對於節譯一事也隻字未提。
臺北:新興(1952)譯者署名顧隱 |
臺北:新興(1954)譯者署名顧隱 |
台南:北一(1969) |
台南:綜合(1972) |
台南:東海(1975) |
台北:日昇(1981) |
台北:裕泰(1981) |
鍾譯省略插入句、關係子句等次要訊息,僅譯出主要訊息,並將原文數段合併成譯文一段,讀起來節奏較原著明快,例如:
Dusk--of a summer night.
And the tall walls of the commercial heart of an American city of perhaps 400,000 inhabitants--such walls as in time may linger as a mere fable.
And up the broad street, now comparatively hushed, a little band of six,--a man of about fifty, short, stout, with bushy hair protruding from under a round black felt hat, a most unimportant-looking person, who carried a small portable organ such as is customarily used by street preachers and singers. And with him a woman perhaps five years his junior, taller, not so broad, but solid of frame and vigorous, very plain in face and dress, and yet not homely, leading with one hand a small boy of seven and in the other carrying a Bible and several hymn books. With these three, but walking independently behind, was a girl of fifteen, a boy of twelve and another girl of nine, all following obediently, but not too enthusiastically, in the wake of the others.
一個仲夏的傍晚,在美國一個居民四十萬的城市的商業中心區裡,一條寬闊的大街上,走著一小隊人。一個男子大約五十歲,身材矮胖結實,一叢蓬髮突出在黑帽外邊,其貌不揚,是一個無足輕重的人物。他手裡提著一架小風琴,旁邊是一個比她年輕五歲光景的婦人,身材較高,結實有力,相貌服裝都平常,態度不很自然,一手攙著一個七歲的男孩,另一手捧著一部聖經和一些讚美詩集。這三個人後面,有一個十五歲的姑娘,一個十二歲的男孩,和另一個九歲的女孩,他們服從地跟隨著,但顯然無精打彩的樣子。
通篇看來,鍾譯行雲流水,雖偶有誤譯(例如not homely譯為「態度不很自然」),但仍瑕不掩瑜。1946年上海建國書店出版的鍾譯《嘉麗妹妹》也是一部佳譯,為全譯本,共47章,正文前有〈譯者序言〉,介紹該書的出版經過、故事梗概、書評以及在中國的翻譯簡史:「他的作品介紹到國內來的,已有傅東華譯的『真妮姑娘』和拙譯『人間悲劇』」。奇怪的是,1953年台北明華書局出版的鍾譯卻是節譯本,僅36章,省略了4、9、11、18、19、30、32、33、38、40、41,共計11章,譯者署名「鍾憲民」,〈譯者序言〉改為〈序言〉,刪去該書在中國的翻譯狀況,書末則保留:「三十三年四月譯畢」字樣,以此推斷,當時鍾憲民應該還在台灣。台北遠景1979年出版的則是47章全譯本,譯者改署「黃蓉」,完全不見鍾憲民原本的譯序,改附〈德萊塞和嘉莉妹妹〉,書末「三十三年四月譯畢」的字樣也被刪掉,改附〈德萊塞年表〉,一直到2000年台北桂冠出版的《嘉利妹妹》都還是署名「黃蓉」的鍾憲民譯本。
臺北:明華(1953) |
臺北:遠景(1953) |
臺北:桂冠(2000) |
鍾譯不論寫情狀物,皆細緻一如原文,並適時使用顯化、逆譯等策略,使譯文流利易曉,例如:
Whatever touch of regret at parting characterised her thoughts, it was certainly not for advantages now being given up. A gush of tears at her mother's farewell kiss, a touch in her throat when the cars clacked by the flour mill where her father worked by the day, a pathetic sigh as the familiar green environs of the village passed in review…
儘管惜別悔恨之情湧上心頭,但並非因為家鄉有什麼可留戀。母親臨別親吻,使她淚眼汪汪,火車轆轆地駛過父親白天在那裏工作的麵粉廠時,她滿喉哽咽,村莊周圍熟悉的綠野重映入她的眼簾時,她不禁一聲感嘆。
引文中鍾譯依照中文的時序律顛倒語序,先發生的訊息提前先譯,再譯後發生的訊息,因此先翻譯以下三件事:“her mother's farewell kiss”, “when the cars clacked by the flour mill where her father worked by the day”, “as the familiar green environs of the village passed in review”,再翻譯嘉麗妹妹對這三件事的反應:「淚眼汪汪」、「滿喉哽咽」、「一聲感嘆」。整體而言,鍾譯訛誤甚少,可讀性佳,允為善譯。
1947年上海教育書店出版的鍾譯《天才夢》又回到《人間悲劇》的翻譯策略,以節譯的方式迻譯。原著分成3卷,共101章。鍾譯不分卷,共60章,刪去與故事主軸無關的枝微末節和將較長的段落,例如:
原文:This story has its beginnings in the town of Alexandria, Illinois, between 1884 and 1889, at the time when the place had a population of somewhere near ten thousand. There was about it just enough of the air of a city to relieve it of the sense of rural life. It had one street-car line, a theatre,—or rather, an opera house, so-called (why no one might say, for no opera was ever performed there)—two railroads, with their stations, and a business district, composed of four brisk sides to a public square. In the square were the county court-house and four newspapers. These two morning and two evening papers made the population fairly aware of the fact that life was full of issues, local and national, and that there were many interesting and varied things to do. On the edge of town, several lakes and a pretty stream—perhaps Alexandria's most pleasant feature—gave it an atmosphere not unakin to that of a moderate-priced summer resort. Architecturally the town was not new. It was mostly built of wood, as all American towns were at this time, but laid out prettily in some sections, with houses that sat back in great yards, far from the streets, with flower beds, brick walks, and green trees as concomitants of a comfortable home life. Alexandria was a city of young Americans. Its spirit was young. Life was all before almost everybody. It was really good to be alive.
鍾譯:這個故事發生在亞歷山大城,時在一八八四年至一八八九年之間。當時全城不過一萬人口,可說粗具城市規模,剛脫離鄉村氣息。城裏祇有一條行駛街車的路線,一個戲院,兩條鐵路和兩個車站,以及一個商業區,中間是一個廣場,四邊是繁盛的市面。
鍾譯僅選擇重要的段落翻譯,篇幅較原作大為縮減。撇去略譯的部分不談,鍾譯文字雅馴,詞句通暢,無論描景(如上例)、寫人、敘事、對話,都翻譯得相當妥貼,例如:
Stella's golden curls were covered, except for a few ringlets, with a French cap; her body, to below the hips, encased in a white wool Jersey, close-fitting and shapely. The skirt below was a grey mixture of thick wool and the stockings were covered by white woolen leggings. She looked tempting and knew it.
Suddenly, as they turned, one of her skates came loose and she hobbled and exclaimed about it. "Wait," said Eugene, "I'll fix it.”
思籟金黃色的鬈髮,帶上一頂法蘭西便帽,除了露出幾束外,都給蓋住了。她上身裹著一件白絨線衫,一直到臀部,繃得緊緊的,更顯出少女的曲線,下身的裙子是灰色厚呢,絲襪綳著白色羊毛裹腿。她樣子著實誘人,而她也有自知之明。
他們剛轉過身來,突然間她的一隻溜冰鞋鬆了,於是她蹣跚難行,便叫起來。有經說:「等一下,讓我來給你縛上罷。」
引文中鍾譯適時採用逆譯法,讓譯文符合中文語法,至於人名則採歸化策略,例如Stella譯為「思籟」、Myrtle譯為「梅兒」、Thomas Jefferson Witla譯為「韋吉生」、Eugene Tennyson Witla譯為「韋有經」。全書曉暢易讀,惜未譯全。
臺北:明華(1955) |
臺北:大中國(1964) |
鍾憲民譯筆精湛,又是將德萊塞譯入華文世界的主要推手,來台不到十年卻下落成謎,譯作遭出版社盜印,譯序讓編輯刪除,多少冤屈未獲昭雪,真的是人間悲劇了。
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